June 9, 2023

The Marrying Yourself Journey

by Petra Brunnbauer

An Exploration Into Self-Love and Personal Growth

If you've ever been on a quest for self-discovery and personal growth, you may have stumbled upon the concept of marrying yourself. This transformative journey, pioneered by notable psychotherapist and author Deva Joy, is a deep dive into the realms of self-love, self-awareness, and self-acceptance. Let's embark on this journey together, exploring its significance, benefits, and the intriguing science that underscores it.

“Marry yourself first - promise never to leave you!”
                             - Albert Camus

Who Is Deva Joy?

Before we set off, allow me to introduce the navigator for this trip - Deva Joy. An esteemed psychotherapist with over thirty years of private practice in Atlanta, GA, she's a beacon of wisdom in personal growth and self-discovery. She's authored several impactful books, such as 'Re-arranged Never the Same: The Nature of Grief' and 'Toolbox of Hope: For When Your Body Doesn’t Feel Good.' Her revolutionary concept of 'The Marrying Yourself Journey' and the subsequent online experience sets the scene for our expedition today.

Deva Joy Gouss

The Concept of Marrying Yourself

When we talk about marriage, the traditional concept that often comes to mind is the union of two people who vow to love and cherish each other. But the concept of marrying yourself, also known as sologamy, takes a divergent yet empowering turn. It's about making a lifelong commitment to oneself, promising to love, honor, and respect your own individuality above all else.

The essence of self-marriage isn't about isolating oneself from others or rejecting the idea of romantic relationships. It's about developing a profound relationship with your inner self, nurturing your mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. This relationship forms the basis for all other relationships in your life. It's about understanding and accepting that you are complete just as you are, and that fulfillment and contentment stem from within rather than external sources.

Marrying Yourself

Marrying yourself is a promise to prioritize your happiness, health, and personal growth. It's about recognizing your self-worth and refusing to settle for less in any aspect of life. This act signifies the journey of self-love and self-discovery, a pathway to personal empowerment.

The ceremony of self-marriage, often performed in the presence of loved ones, is a powerful way to mark this commitment. However, the true essence of this practice isn't confined to a ceremony; it's a continual process of self-affirmation and self-care that extends into every facet of life.

In essence, marrying yourself is a bold, transformative step towards embracing your individuality, fostering self-love, and aligning with your authentic self. It's a conscious decision to be your own soulmate, becoming the primary source of your happiness and peace.

The Benefits of Marrying Yourself

The act of marrying oneself goes beyond a mere symbolic gesture; it's a life-altering commitment that brings an array of benefits.

Personal Empowerment and Confidence

One of the most profound benefits of marrying yourself is the sense of personal empowerment and confidence it brings. Self-marriage is an assertion of self-worth and self-belief. By making a commitment to yourself, you are recognizing your inherent value and expressing the belief that you can provide for your own happiness. This sense of empowerment and increased self-esteem can extend into every facet of your life, influencing your decision-making, relationship dynamics, and overall outlook on life.

Independence and Autonomy

Marrying yourself fosters a healthy sense of independence and autonomy. It helps break free from the societal expectation that fulfillment and happiness stem from external sources, particularly from romantic relationships. With self-marriage, you assert that you are complete on your own, and that you hold the keys to your satisfaction and joy. This allows for a healthier approach to relationships, as you enter them not out of need or desperation, but out of a genuine desire to share your already-whole self with others.

Self-awareness and Personal Growth

The journey of self-marriage is one of self-discovery and personal growth. The process involves deep introspection, allowing you to better understand your desires, passions, strengths, and areas of growth. This heightened self-awareness can guide you in aligning your life more closely with your authentic self, fostering personal growth and fulfillment.

Marrying Yourself and Personal Growth

Mental Wellbeing and Self-compassion

Marrying yourself can have significant benefits for your mental wellbeing. The commitment to self-love and self-care can lead to decreased levels of anxiety, depression, and self-criticism, and increased resilience, emotional stability, and overall life satisfaction. It cultivates a practice of self-compassion, teaching you to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a beloved spouse.

Improved Relationships

While it may seem paradoxical, marrying oneself can actually lead to improved relationships with others. This is because self-marriage fosters healthy self-esteem, emotional stability, and self-awareness—all of which are crucial for nurturing successful relationships. When you love and respect yourself, you set a standard for how others should treat you, leading to healthier, more satisfying relationships.

Unpacking the Science Behind Marrying Yourself

Let's explore the compelling science that backs this profound journey.

The Psychology of Self-Love

Psychologically, self-love and self-acceptance are integral to mental health and wellbeing. Marrying yourself encourages these facets, aligning with psychologist Carl Rogers' concept of 'unconditional positive regard.' This principle is central to client-centered therapy, emphasizing the importance of accepting oneself unconditionally.

Neuroscientific Perspective

From a neuroscience perspective, self-marriage can help rewire the brain. Regularly engaging in self-love exercises can lead to neuroplastic changes, impacting how our brain processes emotions and manages stress.

Mindfulness and Self-Marriage

Marrying oneself is closely linked to mindfulness. Mindfulness, a well-researched construct, can bring about positive changes in mental health, physical health, and overall life satisfaction.

Marrying Yourself and Mindfulness

How to Marry Yourself: Embarking on the Journey

Now that we've unpacked the concept of self-marriage, how does one go about this journey? The process is deeply personal and differs for everyone, but typically involves a few key steps: self-reflection, making a commitment to self, creating a self-love ritual, and regular check-ins with oneself.

Final Thoughts: Making the Commitment

As we've seen, marrying oneself is far more than just a conceptual exercise - it's a tangible, life-altering journey. It's about establishing a lasting, loving relationship with yourself, one that empowers you and facilitates growth.


In the voyage of life, marrying oneself stands as a transformative journey, one that embodies the utmost form of self-love and acceptance. It's a powerful commitment that signifies the recognition of one's worthiness, which in turn nourishes a sense of personal empowerment and self-awareness. The intriguing science that underpins this concept further amplifies its significance, embedding it in the realms of psychology, neuroscience, and mindfulness.

But the essence of self-marriage transcends beyond these benefits. At its core, it’s a profound affirmation of self: an acknowledgment of one’s strengths, weaknesses, hopes, fears, and aspirations. It’s about unabashedly embracing every facet of one's individuality and understanding that the journey to fulfillment and contentment is deeply personal.

Taking care of yourself

In a world that often emphasizes external validation, marrying yourself redefines the narrative. It realigns the focus to internal validation, reinforcing the belief that contentment and fulfillment are birthed from within, not without. It pushes against societal norms, asserting that happiness isn't solely derived from the relationships we have with others, but importantly, from the relationship we nurture with ourselves.

Through this commitment, we also cultivate healthier relationships with those around us. When we enter relationships from a place of wholeness rather than lack, we foster connections that are based on mutual respect, love, and understanding, rather than dependence.

Marrying oneself can be the most meaningful journey you embark on, opening doors to self-discovery, self-love, and ultimately, self-marriage. The echoes of Buddha's words ring true in this context: "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." 

Thus, self-marriage isn't merely an act; it's a way of life that fosters personal growth, mental wellbeing, and unshakeable self-belief.



marrying yourself, self-care, self-compassion, self-love

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